The Power of AND

In a recent conversation with my husband, I told him it felt like we were living through the best and worst moments of our lives. The statement made me laugh because it sounds incredibly contradictory and honestly, impossible. Wasn’t best/worst an either/or situation? Regardless of the possibility, here I was. Living through the best and the worst life had to offer at the same time. We had been renovating our new home and thriving in a new environment, but three months into getting settled in our new happy place, I was rediagnosed with breast cancer, this time stage IV.

How could my life be so wonderful and so depressing at the same time?

I began to explore the possibility of contradictory and extreme emotions coexisting after the birth of my nephew a few years ago. This was during my initial stage II breast cancer diagnosis, and I was days out of my third chemo infusion, which proved to be the most challenging in every sense. The emotions that surfaced and settled did not go together. They were opposites. I was experiencing intense joy for my family and I was feeling deep sadness for myself. I had eagerly awaited this birth and the growth of our family for months, and I welcomed the arrival with undeniable happiness. I also felt debilitating sadness as I watched a reality I had imagined for myself, knowing that my story and path would be different. The latter emotion left me feeling like the secret betrayer of my family. Wasn’t I wrong to have negative feelings during such a miraculous time?

Seemingly opposite emotions are in fact not mutually exclusive. Often, emotions we were conditioned to believe only surface at opposite times show up together. You can feel gratitude and anger. You can feel loved and alone. You can feel happy and sad. I learned my experience was normal, and yet, my natural reaction was to suppress the uncomfortable and smile through it. Instead of leaning into my reactive sense, I sat with the emotions I was feeling. I gave myself the space and time I needed to feel. I celebrated and I grieved. I allowed the uncomfortable and comfortable to coexist which allowed me to eventually reach a state of harmony.

So, let us give ourselves permission to feel it ALL at the same time, or whenever we need to feel it. It is one of the best ways to show up for yourself, and those you love.

For more conversation on this topic, tune into my episode on the Movement Matters podcast: The Power of Both/And.